Friday, August 21, 2009

The Husbands of Walnut Grove

For some time, it's been culturally accepted that one can learn a lot about a man from his choice in Charlie's Angel crush. I mean, that's cool and all, but it's kind of like choosing between three different beige paint samples. In the end, the winner is still a beige paint sample. Did that metaphor fall apart? No matter, it's time someone considered the female counterpoint to this phenomenon (and not involving Bo or Luke, preferably).

Aside from Them Duke Boys, the closest current parrallel I can think of would be the Window-into-the-Soul decision of which twin on The Hogan Family (never to be called 'Valerie,' she's dead to me)you most identified with. Hint: there is only one right answer, and that is Mark, obviously.

I say it's time for a new barometer for the ladies.Let's relax and take a trip to Walnut Grove....... but to whom would I devote my chaste attentions? I admit that as an 8 year old, my favorite was Almanzo though I now recognize this as folly. Let's consider them piecemeal....

Almanzo Wilder, husband of Laura Ingalls
Pro's: blondly-handsome, strapping, wore suspenders
Con's: Call Chris Hansen, because Laura was like 14 when they met (I think she was just going to put these clothes in the dryer and wondered if Almanzo would like some lemonade?)

Adam Kendall, husband of Mary Ingalls
Pro's: darkly-handsome, sharp dresser, sensitive, likes to feel your face
Con's: Adam episodes were the WORST for the melodrama and if living with him meant countless turgid violin solos playing as he stared into the mid-distance, no thank you

Which brings me to my choice:

PERCIVAL DALTON!, husband of Nellie Olsen

Pro's: opinionated,smart, non sass-taker, funny Jew
Con's: Only one--found Nellie Olsen appealing

The decision is obvious.

Oh Percival, you have my permission.


  1. Upon further reflection, my Percival crush is eerily close to my Matt Hooper in Jaws crush, which is to say I have a "type" and that type might very well be "annoying." Sigh.

  2. Percival is pretty hot (and polite). I can see why you're into him.